According to the calendar on the wall (reveal: The Macalope gave up wall calendars when Mulder and Scully went off the air), we’re entering prime rumor season again now that the holidays are over, Apple is making plans for 2023 and lips they’re a-flapping . What’s the hullaballoo this year? I hope you enjoy tying things to your face.
Yes, everyone is talking about the upcoming Apple AR headset, which will surely be the thing Apple will be offering in 11 months for its out-of-touch holiday gift-giving guide. “This year, buy your loved ones a device that costs several thousand dollars.” Only the auto companies have a more inflated idea of how much the Macalope is willing to spend on its loved ones.
Looking at the current rumors about the headset, you might be wondering why you would want one in the first place. An external screen that shows your facial expressions? Do you carry a battery pack on your belt? It’s true that the Macalope doesn’t keep up with the latest fashion trends (it’s been wearing the same suit for 10 years), but that doesn’t exactly sound Apple-y. This is yet another dud of an Apple product, just like the Watch.
uh. We will.
However, that’s exactly the point. Faint rumors about an upcoming Apple product are not at all unusual. Sixteen years ago, leading up to the announcement of the iPhone, people wondered what Apple could bring to the world of smartphones. “The BlackBerry Pearl is the pinnacle of smartphone design!” They called. “This is a Wendy’s!” we called back.
Hell, even after Apple products have been announced, we’ve been told they’re not that great, have less space than a Nomad, and on top of that, a third-tier player you’ve never heard of already has turbolasers.
Who knows, maybe the unannounced $3,000 Apple headset with a belt pack is really cool. It doesn’t seem cool yet, but so did so many other Apple products before we got them. However, this doesn’t mean it doesn’t look so inspiring before release, it also means it’s going to be a hit. As the Macalope’s financial advisor always tells him, past success is not an indicator of future performance.
Then the Macalope looks at his portfolio and says, “What past success?” and he and his financial advisor have a good laugh.
This week’s rumors are about when we might see it. Mark Gurman says Apple will announce the product at a spring event, before WWDC, and ship it later in the fall, giving us plenty of time to rummage through our couches for $3,000. Again, the pricing rumor could also be wrong. Apple is quite known for not being shy about pricing things with an eye to profit rather than volume and — take a look at their cash reserve here and, yes, it seems to be working out pretty well for the company. Still, the iPad was rumored to be priced at $1,000 leading up to launch, and it eventually started at half that.
Not that $1,500 is any money lying around for this mythical beast either.
John Gruber asks a good question: If not for games, which The Information implies, then what is it for? No one wants to spend that much for the rumored features: video conferencing, maps, and educational content. Not to put it too nicely, but have you looked around the world? Does it look like the kind of place that results from a populace dropping three grand on educational devices? Unfortunately not.
The Macalope certainly hopes it’s good, because (also according to Gurman) the company puts other devices on the back burner for that.
…Apple brought in resources from various hardware and software engineering departments. That hampered other projects, some of which were already suffering from their own delays and budget cuts due to the economic slowdown.
I hope you weren’t looking for exciting AirPods, Watches, or iPad updates this year.
Sure, Apple knows its business better than a cartoon human/computer hybrid in a suit or, really, almost any other expert. It only seems confusing because we’re looking in from the outside.
And without AR glasses to improve our vision.
Talk about your Catch-22s.